Cricket Jokes

The cricketer was visiting the psychiatrist
Cricketer: 'It's terrible. I can't score runs, I'm a terrible bowler, and I can't hold a catch. What can l do?
Doctor: 'Get another job.'
Cricketer: 'I can't. I'm playing for England tomorrow !'

The nervous young batsman was having a terrible time and was lucky to still be at the crease. During a lull, he stammered to the wicket keeper, 'Well, I expect you've seen worse players.'

Silence....

He said 'I said I expect you've seen worse players.'

'I heard you the first time. I was just trying to think.'

In a country town match, the batsman was out first ball. 

'Not like last week,' said the wicket-keeper.

'No,' said the batsman. 

'Last week I stayed in and got forty and when I got back all the beer was gone!'

'I can't understand it,' said the captain. 

'It was such an important game that I bribed the umpire and yet we still lost.

''Terrible, isn't it,' a bowler agreed. 'It's getting so you can't trust anyone.'

A cricket enthusiast had three trays installed in his office labelled 'In' , 'Out' , and 'L.B.W.' .

A visitor remarked as he could see the significance of 'In' and 'Out' but what did 'L.B.W.' mean ?And the cricket enthusiast replied : "Let the Bastards Wait."

A famous fast bowler was introduced to an arab sheikh who boasted that he had eighty three wives .The bowler said " You only need two more , and you're entitled to a new ball."

Last Words by Famous People

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Cricket Jokes

The demon bowler sent his thunderbolts whizzing past batsman and wicket-keeper for boundary byes from every ball of his opening over. 
The captain said, 'I think I'll rest you for a while.'
'You can't do that,' said the bowler. 'I've just bowled a maiden over.
'Women like that are a luxury I can't afford at the moment,' acidly replied the captain.


The spider walk to the crease.
'Oh no, not him again,' sighed the grasshopper. 'Is he good?' asked a beetle.
'It's not that,' said the grasshopper, 'it's just that he stays in so long.
The only way to get him out is l.l.l.l.l.b.w. !
Two old cricketers were talking in the club.
'What was your highest score?' 'A hundred and ten not out.'
'Mine was a hundred and twenty not out'.
'And what was the most number of wickets you took?'.
'Oh, no. This time you go first.'


The captain was in despair at his side's fielding. Match after match, they dropped every chance that came their way. 
Finally one day the captain called his men together and told them that he was taking them fishing.
What for? they asked.
'To make sure you catch something this season!'


The wicket-keeper had a high opinion of himself and was very free with his advice to the captain.
'You know,' he said, 'You've picked two men who should never be in the side.'
'Oh really,' said the captain icily, 'and who's the other one?'


You're looking glum'. 
'Yes. My doctor says I can't play cricket.' 
'Really? I didn't know he'd ever seen you play!'


The two cricketers' wives were talking.
'What does your husband do?' 'He's a cricketer.'
'So's mine. Who does your play for?'
'Well, I think it's the United Nations. He says he's always bowling Chinamen.'


An American had been told to go to a cricket match while he was in England. He watched with pleasure as the teams came out and the batsman scored four runs off the first six balls. Then the umpire called "OVER". "Well," he said, getting up, "it's a nice game - but it's very short!"

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Cricket Jokes

The captain of a team says to the Umpire, "My players want to know if there is a penalty for thinking." The Umpire says, "No." The captain says, "Well we think you're an asshole, then."


Kabir had taken his wife to a cricket match. She sat through the first innings although plainly bored. In the second innings a batsman gave a tremendous swipe and knocked the ball out of the ground. 'Thank goodness they got rid of it,' she sighed. 'Now we can all go home.'


The two rival cricketers were talking.
'The local team wants me to play for them very badly.'
'Well, you're just the man for the job.'


At the interval, everybody rushed to the bar, where local publican had thoughtfully provided a case of light ale. Unfortunately, the ale was off and halfway through the second innings, everyone was so ill that they abandoned the match. It was a case of bad light stopping play.


In the 1970s, two dedicated Yorkshiremen were at the match. One discovered that he'd left his wallet at home and friend offered to go back for it. He returned pale and shaken.
'I've got bad news for thee, Bob. Your wife s run off and left thee, and your house 'as burned to the ground!'
'I've got worse news for thee, lad. Boycott's out.'


A Yorkshireman had emigrated to America, but still used to receive news from home by mail. One day, he got the following telegram: 'Regret father died this morning STOP early hours. Funeral Wednesday STOP Yorkshire two hundred and one for six STOP Boycott not out ninety six.'


The batsman was out first ball. On the long walk back to the pavilion he had to pass the incoming batsman, a supercilious rival. 'Hard luck, old man,' smirked the newcomer. 'Yes. It's a shame I had to be right in the middle of a hat trick


An American who knew nothing of the game had been taken to a few cricket matches by a friend and was now studying the end-of-season averages.
Every now and then he came across an asterisk and the words: 'Signifies not out.' Finally, he turned to his friend and said:
'Why don't you get this guy Signifies to play for your side? He's never out!'


'I'm proud to say that in thirty years of playing cricket, I've never scored less than twenty five runs and never taken less than three wickets,' said Henry.
'I wish I could say that,' said Ted.
Harry spoke up. 'Well, why don't you? Henry just did!'


Back in the pavilion, the batsman was talking to a team mate. 'I can't understand it,' he said 'The ball hit my head and the wicket-keeper caught it, but the umpire gave me out. His friend looked sympathetic. 'Sometimes they go by sound.'




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