Sms Jokes

Student is better learner than teacher

Teacher: U idiots! At your age Einstein ranked first in class.

What about you?

Student: Sir at your age Hitler committed suicide..!

What about you?


Teacher: If I will give 4 eggs to Babul, 1 eggs to Samim and 3 eggs to Yousuf. Then what will be the total?

Student: Sir, how will you lay so many eggs in just one day?

Degrees of girls!

B.A.-Beautiful Angel

B.E.-Beautiful Eyes

B.Sc.-Beautiful Structure

B.Com -Beautiful Communication

M.B.A.-Married But Awesome.

Time Wait for None

Patient: Doctor, I've only got 59 seconds to live.

Doctor: Wait a minute please.


Why I LIke You

U r very special 4 me...

U should b safe always...

U should b safe my dear...

I cant b wid u all time....

So pls b careful wenever u

Jump from tree 2 tree...

Chicken Disease

Psychiatrist: What is your problem?

Patient: I think I'm a chicken.

Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?

Patient: Ever since I was an egg!


Different Phases of a man:

After engagement: Superman

After Marriage: Gentleman

After 10 years: Watchman

After 20 years: Doberman



It seems like I've been sleeping

For a thousand years

Without a thought

Without a purpose

Without a voice

Without a soul

Until you walked into my life.


Men's Choice

A woman who can cook, a woman who earns good money, a

woman who loves him & system to make sure that those 3 women never meet

each other!

A Crime Story..

Five Elived in a Room, Namely.. MAD, BRAIN, FOOL, NOBODY, SOMEBODY.

One Day SOMEBODY Killed NOBODY. At that Time BRAIN was in Bathroom, MAD Called Police..

MAD: Iz it Police Station..??

Police: Yes, What iz the Matter..??


Police: Are You MAD..??

MAD: Yes, I’m MAD.

Police: Don’t You have BRAIN.

MAD: BRAIN iz in Bathroom..

Police: You FOOL…

MAD: No, FOOL iz Reading This SMS.. ; )


What is Life

Life is a paradox-

what u want u don't get love

what u get, u don't enjoy marriage

what u njoy is not permanent girlfriend

what is permanent is boring wife

Difference Between Successful & Unsuccessful

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.


The Equation of Marriage:

7 Glance = 1 Smile

7 Smile = 1 Meeting

7 Meeting = 1 Kiss

7 Kisses = 1 Proposal

7 Proposal = 1 Marriage -

And that 1 marriage has 77777+ problems.

So beware of glance!

Boss VS Employee

Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime


Last Chance

Q: During Marriage ceremony why is the bridegroom made to sit on the horse?

A: He is given his last chance to run away…!!

From Romance To Marriage

Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy


Tell A Lie

Telling a lie is

Fault 4 a little boy

an Art 4 a lover

an Accomplishment 4 a bachelor

and a Matter of survival 4 a married man

Difference Between Complete & Finish

Q: What is the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED ?

A: When You Marry a right Girl you You are Complete And when you Marry a wrong Girl You are Finished.


No Cost

A little kid asks his Dad, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?”

“No idea,” replied the Father, “I’m still paying for it…”

World's Smallest resignation letter?

Respected sir,

I luv ur wife.

Yours sincerely.


Definition Of Marriage

First marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience



Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?

Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.


Why do we all marry?

Because romance is not the only element of life.

We should also know horror, terror, suspense, irony, stupidity & tragedy of LIFE.

A foolish student

TEACHER: Johny, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?

JOHNY: You told me to do it without using tables!



After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife,You know, I was a fool when I married you.

She replied, Yes dear, I know but I was in love and didnt notice.

Husband vs Wife

US tourists, a man and his wife are traveling in the Middle East. An Arab approaches the husband, saying, “I’ll give you 100 camels for your woman.”

After a long silence, the husband says, “She’s not for sale.”

The indignant wife says, “What took you so long to answer?”

The husband replied, “I was trying to figure out how to get 100 camels back home.”


No Chance

Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?

Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.


Court Judgement

Lawyer: “What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?”

Witness: “He said, ‘Where am I, Catherine?’”

Lawyer: “And why did that upset you?”

Witness: “My name is Sam.”


Distinguish WIFE & MOTHER

Don?t marry & make a woman happy.

In fact remain a bachelor & make several women happy.


Teacher: How Do You Differentiate “WIFE” & “MOTHER”


Before Marriage
We Sleep With “MOTHER” &

After Marriage
We Sleep With Our “WIFE”.


Student fools teacher

Teacher - Where is himalaya.

Kid - Madam!I don't know.

Teacher- Don't know? Stand on the desk.

Kid - I still cant see


Hearing Aid

A man was telling his neighbor, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.”

“Really,” answered the neighbor . “What kind is it?”

“Twelve thirty.”


What is pronoun

Teacher : name two pronouns.

Student : who? me?

Teacher : correct


Punctual Student

Principle said to Students:

You People Must Sleep At least 7 Hours A Day.


Impossible Sir!

College Is Only For 6 Hours!


Foolish Question

A beggar meets another beggar. A software engineer meets another software engineer.

Both of them ask the same question to each other.

What is the question ???


Start A New Bussiness

Commerce professor asks the student:

what is the most important source of finance for starting business?

Student: “Father in law”


Bum & A Man

A man walks out of a bar and sees a bum panhandling on the corner. The bum says,“Mister, can you spare a dollar?”

The man thinks a minute. Then he asks the bum, “If I give you a dollar, are you going to use it to buy liquor?

“No,” says the bum.

The man then asks, “If I give you a dollar, are you going to use it for gambling?”

Again the bum says, “No.”

So the man says to the bum, “Do you mind coming home with me so I can show my wife what happens to someone who doesn’t drink or gamble?”


Exhausted Husband

Husband on phone : Doctor my wife is pergnant.She is having pain right now.

Doctor : Is this her first child?

Husband : No this is her husband speaking…


A Little Drama Series

Hero loves heroine , but heroine loves the villain.

But villain loves hero’s sister,and hero’s sister loves heroine’s brother .

Here, heroine’s brother loves villain’s sister .

But villain’s sister loves hero’s brother.

Again!, hero’s brother is also interested in heroine , and you already know that heroine loves villain.

Finally two people commit suicide.

Who’re they? ……….. Producer and the Director!!



Ultimate answer while changing the job.

Interviewer : Why did you change your last job?

Rubel : Because thecompany shifted and didn’t tell me where…


An Impatient Customer

A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant, at first he’d asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.

Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn’t throw out the pest.

“Oh, that man I don’t care.”
said the waiter with a smile. “We don’t even have an air conditioner.”


Short Message

Sardar sent SMS to his BOSS:

“Me sick, no work”

Boss SMS back:

“When I am sick I kiss my wife try it”

2 hours later Sardar SMS 2 boss:

“Me OK, your wife very sweet”


How did an intelligent boy propose to girl

A boy took the girl along with him on a boat and at the middle of river said “Marry me or leave the boat”


Little Learner

Teacher : “Have you ever read Shakespeare?”

Student : “No, who wrote it?”


A Millionaire

Woman : “I made my husband a millionaire.”

Her friend: And what was he before you married him?

Woman: “A billionaire.”


Father VS Son

Angry Father to his son: Have you ever seen an owl?

Son: (Looking down) No…

Father: Don’t look down. Look at me.


Distinguish An Idiot

Son: Dad, what is an idiot?

Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can’t understand him. Do you understand me?

Son : No.


Live For Eternity

Man : Is there any way 4 long life?

Dr : Get married.

Man : Will it help?

Dr : No, but the thought of a long life will never come to u again!


Dont Argue With Your Wife

Q: What is the next thing one should do after winning an argument with the wife ?
A: Apologise !!!


Write Slowly

Kamrul was writing something very slowly.

Friend asked :” Why r u writing so slowly?

Kamrul said : “I’m writing to my 6 yr old son, he can’t read very fast.


Poor Postman

Postman : I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet

Michael : why did u come so far. Instead u could have
posted it….


Teaching Tense

Teacher : “I killed a person” convert this sentence into future tense.

Labib : The future tense is “u will go to jail"


Future plans of childrens:

Teacher asks children, what do u wish 2 do in future?

Iqbal : I want 2 b a pilot.

Najnin : I want 2 b a doctor.

Kabir : I want 2 b a good mother.

Johnny : I want 2 help Bina.


Know The Correct Age

Man : How old is your father?

Boy : As old as me.

Man : How can that be?

Boy : He became a father only when I was born



Teacher : Correct the sentence, “A bull and a cow is grazing in the field”

Student : “A cow and a bull is grazing in the field”

Teacher : How?

Student : Ladies first.


Talkative Person

Teacher : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

Pupil : A teacher.


A Lecture On Sun

Teacher: Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun. Everyone must attend it.

Boy: No! I will not be able to attend it.

Teacher: Why?

Boy: My mother will not allow me to go so far !!


Enjoying Sunday

Husband : Today is sunday & I have to enjoy it. So i bought 3 movie tickets.

Wife : Why three?

Husband : 1 For U and 2 for ur parents.


Obedient Son

Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.

Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.

Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy’s lap.


Dont Touch

A girl & a boy were sitting alone, that boy started touching the girl,

Girl : Don't touch me, all this only after marriage.

Boy : Ok call me when u r maried.


Son's Job

Father to son : Whenever i beat you, you dont get annoyed, how you control your anger?

Son : I start cleaning the toilet seat with your toothbrush


Be A Good Driver

A student was asked 2 write a signboard 4 the traffic rules near the school

He wrote : “Drive Carefully! Don’t kill the students, wait for the Teachers”


Smart Student

Maths teacher asked JOHN “If u have 12 chocalate and u give 5 to DONA, 3 to ALICE and 4 to ROMA then wat will u get ?

JOHN replied, “Sir! 3 new girl friends”.


Devil & Angels

The devils challenged the angels for a game of cricket. We have got all the cricketers, said the Angels.

Devils : No problem, we have got all the umpires.


Men With Dog

Man1 sitting with dog.

Man2: Your dog bits?

Man1: No

Man 2 sits and the dog bits!

Man2 angrily, you said he does not bit!

Man: That is not my dog.


Smart Reply

Teacher: what do u call a person who cannot hear anything?

Student : U can call him anything, because he cannot hear anything:-)


I Dont Know

In bio practical:

Examiner : Tell me the name of this bird by seeing it’s legs only?

Student : I don’t know.

Examiner : You failed, what’s your name?

Student : See my legs & tell my name



Teacher: what is skeleton?

Student: Sir, skeleton is a person who started dieting but forgot to stop it..!!!


Married Boy

Lovers sitting in a park,

boy tries to kiss the girl..

Girl says No dear not all this before marriage..

Boy says don’t worry darling I am already married :-)


Unbearable Scene

A boy goes to see a dance.

His mom angrily asks him : Did u see anything there that u were not supposed to see?

Boy : Yes, I saw dad!


Monkey & Elephant Can Sit Together

A man sees a fat man sitting in a train cabin.

Taunting, he asks: Is this cabin for elephants only!

Fat man humbly replies : No!Even monkeys like you can sit!


Algebra Rule

Teacher says to student,

In Algebra

A=B &


It means A=C.

Now give relevant example.

Student : Sir, I love you & You love your daughter, It means that I love your daughter.


Mirror Shop

Once a Sardarji goes to a mirror shop to buy a mirror.He wanders all over the shop beforethe shopkeeper comes and asks him,”May I help you?”.

Sardar: “I want a very strong mirror”.

Shop keeper: “Try this one sir!Its just Rs.1000/-”

Sardar: “Is it really that strong?”

Shop keeper: “Yes sir. If u want to know, you can throw this mirror from 100 storeyed building. This mirror does not breaks upto 99 floors sir!!”

Sardar: “Wah! bahuth badiya hai!!”

He pays the shop keeper and leaves with that mirror!!


No Use Of Doctor

Man : Doctor ! My Son has swallowed a key.

Doctor : When ?

Man : Three Months Ago

Doctor : What were you doing till now?

Man : We were using duplicate key…


A Guy With A Horse

A guy walks into a bar and there’s a horse serving drinks.

The horse asks, “What are you staring at?”

Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?”

The guy says, “It’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”


Want To Publish A Bestseller Book

Teacher : What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?

Boy : A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.


World's Thinnest Book

What is the thinnest book in the world?

What Men Know About Women.


The World Moves Around In Every 24 Hours

There’s this drunk man standing out on the street corner.

A cop passes by and says, “What do you think you’re doing?”

The drunk says, “I heard the world goes around every 24 hours and I’m waiting on my house. Won’t be long now, there goes my neighbour.”


Alzheimers Disease

Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?

A: Her IQ goes up.


Teaching Tense

A very old lady teacher of English ask this question with the class:

When I say “I am beautiful”, which tense is it?

One student answered: Its the past tense of course.


What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?

Magnets have a positive side!


A Drunker & Police

A drunken man phoned the local police department to report that thieves had been in his car.

“They have stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator,” he cried out.

However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time, and the same voice came over the line.

“Never mind,” the drunk said with a hiccup. “I got in the back seat by mistake.”


Distinguish Between Rottwieler and Poodle

What's the difference between a Rottwieler and a Poodle?

If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it finish.


Wife VS Husband

Wife: What is 10 years with me?

Husband: A second.

Wife: What is $1000 for me?

Husband: A coin.

Wife: Ok give me a coin.

Husband: Wait a second


You Expelled

Boss: (to employee) - Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time of down-sizing, Knock, Knock.

Employee: Who's there?

Boss: Not you anymore.


Who is Cleverer?

A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the toilet.

He doesn’t want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, “I have sipt in this beer, do not drink!”.

After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, “So did I!”


A Handsome Dog

A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and says:
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."


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