# Most of us affected by love virus now it has become disease.immediate required. Scan of your memory otherwise hard drive will crash & u will die soon. Ha ha ha ………….
# From the moment I saw u,
I wanted to be inside u,
I love ur smell, the way ur tongue feels,
the way u tighten and loosen mmmmmmmmmmmmm…………..NEW SHOES!!!!!!!!!!
# Without ur SMS days are like- MOANDAY TEARSDAY WASTEDAY THIRSTDAY FRIGHTDAY SHATTERDAY & SADDAY So SMS me everyday!!!!
# A raindrop may look 2 smal 2 eyes bt somewhere a thirsty flower await its fall. A small sms may seem 2 smal 2 u but sum where a heart remembers u when it receives your sms. Keep SMS'ing
# A raindrop may look 2 smal 2 eyes bt somewhere a thirsty flower await its fall. A small sms may seem 2 smal 2 u but sum where a heart remembers u when it receives your sms. Keep SMS'ing
# Hey get ready, my marriage is fixed.
# Heart can Skip beat for a while... Memories can be kept in d file... A desert can be replaced by Nile. But nothing can stop a smile,when ur name comes on my MOBILE.
Its on 1st of April. Surprised?
Stupid, 1st april is April fool, and u r the 1st person whom I fooled.
# Nobody is like u,
nobody cares 4 u,
nobody misses u,
nobody wants to see u good,
nobody is ur best fr,
nobody is happy with u.... dont cry.......
my name is nobody
# Don't marry BPL woman, BPL woman never think about you because she BELIEVES in Best
Don't marry a BSNL woman; they have CONNECTIONS ALL OVER INDIA.
Don't marry a HUTCH woman, where ever u go THEIR NETWORK FOLLOW U.
Don't marry an IDEA woman; an IDEA CAN CHANGE her life.
So marry a RELIANCE woman, because U BUY ONE & GET ANOTHER FREE!!! Booking start but stock very limited
# What's the difference between pleasure and torture?
Pleasure is thinking of you & torture is thinking of you too much.
Pleasure is thinking of you & torture is thinking of you too much.
# M are you going to marry me?
I can live without you.
I love you dear, marry me within this month otherwise i will die.
# Hi! Need one girl to marry... Age no bar, color no bar, height no bar, caste no bar, but girl's father must have his own bar...CHEERS
See, how Aishwarya Rai messaged me! Silly girl.
# ON 31st MARCH IF ANY ONE TALKS ABOUT
UR BEAUTY
UR POWER
UR GREATNESS
UR SMARTNESS
THEN JUST KILLTHEM.
HOOW DARE THEY MAKE U
FOOL ONE DAY BEFORE...
SMOKE rEguLarLy!
Who the HeLL said it was BaD for HeaLtH..
SMOKE mean!
S= SeNd
M= Me
O= One
K= Kool scRap
E= Every day
# Try this....
Go to "Write Messages" in your mobile sms editor...
Activate T9 english dictionary...
Then hide your screen with hand and type...
277451366514612382623
Now, remove your hand from the screen and read...
Just try, its very interesting...
# Look at the world around u; u’ll see God's creativity. Look at the breakfast table; u’ll c God's providence. Look at the mirror u’ll c God's sense of humor.
# Good Morning.!
# A student writes a letter via telegram to his dad. It goes... No fun, send mon, your son!
Dad write back saying...so sad, too bad, your dad!
Kindly maintain SILENCE for two minutes in the memory of those poor mosquitoes who died last night AFTER drinking ur blood. gd mrg;-)
Dad write back saying...so sad, too bad, your dad!
# Warriors. Wakeup..
It’s Time 4 D Battle!
It’s Time 4 D Battle!
Refill Ur Pens,
Clear D Dust 4m Ur Txt Books,
C Ur Syllabus & Plan Ur Zones..
War Begins In 13 Days..!
# God thought that since he couldn't b everywhere he made a mother. Then devil thought that he couldn't be everywhere he made a mother-in-law.
# Doctors prescription 4 u...
A cute little smile 4 breakfast,
More laughs 4 lunch,
And lots of happiness 4 dinner...
Doctor's fees?
A SMS whenever u r free....
# I want you 2 know that our friendship means a lot 2 me. U cry Ii cry. U lauf I lauf. U jump out of the window... I look down &then... I lauf again.
# 25 Ways To Annoy The Pizza Guy
1. Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.
2. Ask for extra homo-sapien
3. Ask for the guy who took your order last time.
4. Ask if the pizza is organically grown.
5. Ask them if you get a free date with one of the staff if you make an order over $30.
6. Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this pizza.
7. Ask if they're familiar with the term "spanking a pizza." Make up a description to go with the term. Ask that this be done to your pizza.
8. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.
9. Order a one-inch pizza.
10. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
11. Ask what the order taker is wearing.
12. Ask them to not put a band-aid on it this time or you will sue.
13. Change your accent every three seconds.
14. Dance all around the word "pizza." Avoid saying it at all costs. If he says it, say, "Please don't mention that word."
15. Learn to properly pronounce the ingredients of a Twinkie. Ask that these be included in the pizza.
16. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
17. Imitate the order taker's voice.
18. Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream GOODBYE at the top of your lungs.
19. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.
20. Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting."
21. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread."
22. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.
23. Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.
24. When they repeat your order, say, "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time."
25. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
# Life's Crazy Rules
* Lerman's Law of Technology: Any technical problem can be overcome given enough time and money. Corollary: You are never given enough time or money.
* Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.
* Law of the Search: The first place to look for anything is the last place you would expect to find it. Corollary: It will not be in the last place you expect to find it.
* Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.
# Funny Sports Quote
“I was watching the Blackburn game on TV on Sunday when it flashed on the screen that George (Ndah) had scored in the first minute at Birmingham. My first reaction was to ring him up. Then I remembered he was out there playing." Ade Akinbiyi
"I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona." Mark Draper
"I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock." Barry Venison, ITV
""I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat." Ron Atkinson
"Without being too harsh on David, he cost us the match." Ian Wright, ITV
"The good news for Nigeria is that they're two-nil down very early in the game." Kevin Keegan
"I was saying the other day, how often the most vulnerable area for goalies is between their legs..." Andy Gray, Sky Sports
"What disappointed me was that we didn't play with any passion. I'm not disappointed, you know, I'm just disappointed." Kevin Keegan
"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer." David Acfield
"If you were in the Brondby dressing room right now, which of the Liverpool players would you be looking at?" Ray Stubbs
"You sometimes open your mouth and it punches you straight between the eyes..." Paddy Crerand
"He's one of those footballers whose brains are in his head..." Derek Johnstone
"I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league." Mark Viduka
"If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day." Neville Southall
"Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the best manager I've ever had." David Beckham
"I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable." Paul Gascoigne
"I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well." Alan Shearer
"I'm as happy as I can be - but I have been happier." Ugo Ehiogu
"I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country." Ian Rush
# Weird News
@ How many publishers does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to change it and two to hold down the author.
@ How many editors does it take to change a light bulb?
"Do we have to get author's approval for this?"
Two, one to change the bulb and one to issue a rejection slip to the old bulb.
@ How many proofreaders does it take to change a light bulb?
Proofreaders aren't supposed to change light bulbs. They should just query them.
@ How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to screw it in almost all the way in and the other to give it a suprising twist at the end.
@ How many writers does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change the bulb and one to tell a long story about it.
@ How many literary critics does it take to change a light bulb?
# The News We Dont Want To Hear
The Communist Manifesto as read by Ronald Reagan
The Torah as read by Louis Farrakhan
The Koran as read by Salman Rushdie
The Anarchist's Cookbook as read by Theodore Kaczinsky
How To win Friends and Influence People as read by Dennis Rodman
Europe on $10 a Day as read by Steve Forbes
The Godfather as read by John Gotti
Uncle Tom's Cabin as read by George Wallace
I'm Ok You're Ok as read by Rush Limbaugh
Moby Dick as read by Jonah
Crime and Punishment as read by OJ Simpson
A Tale of Two Cities as read by Ed Koch and Rudi Giuliani
The Gulag Archipelago as read by Josef Stalin
Feynman's Lectures On Physics as read by Dan Quayle
The Joy of Cooking as read by Hannibal Lecter
The Wealth of Nations as read by Fidel Castro
# THIS MONKEY
IS MONKEY
NOW READ WITH OUT THE WORD MONKEY
IS MONKEY
A MONKEY
GUD MOKEY
WAY MONKEY
TO MONKEY
KEEP MONKEY
AN MONKEY
IDIOT MONKEY
BUSY MONKEY
FOR MONKEY
20 MONKEY
SECONDS MONKEY
NOW READ WITH OUT THE WORD MONKEY
# When you get this SMS, send it to 1 person u love, 1 u hate, 1 u always think of and 1 u wish to kill. Now, keep guessing why I sent it to u.
# L SE LIKE
L SE LOVELY
L SE LOVELY
L SE LAST TIME TALK
L SE LAND OF SORROW
L SE LAND LOVE
L SE LOVE LOVE LOVE AND LOT OF LOVE
# Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain and that's where you get your shitty ideas from!
# A 4 APPLE
B 4 BARA APPLE
C 4 CHHOTA APPLE
D 4 2SRA APPLE
E 4 EK OR APPLE
F 4 FRUITY APPLE
G 4 GR8 APPLE
B 4 BARA APPLE
C 4 CHHOTA APPLE
D 4 2SRA APPLE
E 4 EK OR APPLE
F 4 FRUITY APPLE
G 4 GR8 APPLE
# A young man asks a kind priest: Father is it a sin to sleep with a girl?Father: No my child but the problem is that u guys never sleep.
# The rain makes all things beautiful. The grass & flowers too. If rain makes all things beautiful why doesn't it rain on you?
# I've written a poem for you:Twinkle twinkle little star,you should know what you are,and once you know what you are,Mental hospital is not so far.
# What's the difference between pleasure and torture? Pleasure is thinking of you & torture is thinking of you too much.
# When u smile the world smiles with u. When u r down people'll really behind u but when u fart u r alone coz people'll never stand by u!
# This is not fair! How could u do this? Didn't expect this from you! Got a whole Channel on your name and didn't even tell me?Animal Planet!
# If u want success in life;
be Sweet like Honey,
Regular like Clock,
Fresh like Rose,
Soft like Tissue,
Strong like Rock,
Sure like Death &
smart like ME.
be Sweet like Honey,
Regular like Clock,
Fresh like Rose,
Soft like Tissue,
Strong like Rock,
Sure like Death &
smart like ME.
# Sometime my mind asks why I miss you? Why I care for you? Why I remember you? Then my heart answers it's simply because mental patient needs more care.
# Q: What's the difference between good & bad gals?
A: Good gals loosen a few buttons when its hot, bad gals make it hot by loosening a few buttons!
# If I ever go for a brain transplant I would like 2 use your brain. It's not because u r a genius. I would only like a brain that has never been used.
# Q: Why do men fart more often than women?
A: Because women do not keep their mouth shut long enough to build up the pressure.
# Look at the ocean & see God's abundance! Look at the sky & see God's glory! Look at the moon & see God's wonder! Look at the mirror & see God's Blunder!
# Look at the world as 1 big chocolate cake. It would never b complete without few sweets n nuts. Sweet like ME & nut like U.
# Be careful when a guy tells u that he loves u from the bottom of his heart for this may mean that there is still enough space for another girl on top.
# Like energy, love can neither be created nor destroyed. It can just be transferred from one girlfriend to another girlfriend.
# Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, small people talk about others & legends never talk, they send SMS.
# The first half of our lives is spent ignoring our parents' advice and the second half in trying to keep our children from ignoring ours.
# When u r down & no one is there, don't think of me. When u r crying & no one is there then too don't just think of me, call me up, my incoming is free.
# I want you 2 know that our friendship means a lot 2 me. U cry I cry. U laugh I laugh. U jump out of the window... I look down &then... I laugh again
# When I open my eyes every morning I pray to God that everyone should have a friend like you.... Why should only I suffer!!!
# Fill in the blank...Im ur .....friend-
a)-Cute
b)-Sweet
c)-Loving
d)-Boy/Girl
e)-Best of all
Reply is a must...
# Do U know the full form of COLLEGE-
C-Come,
O-On,
L-Lets,
L-Love,
E-Each,
G-Girl,
E-Equally......Thats why boys go to college regularly....
C-Come,
O-On,
L-Lets,
L-Love,
E-Each,
G-Girl,
E-Equally......Thats why boys go to college regularly....
# Who said English is easy???
Fill in the blank with YES or No...
1.-----I don’t have brain...
2.-----I don’t have sense...
3.-----
# what happend 2 ur mobile? i was trying 2 call u but i got this msg: welcome 2 D jungle network, D monkey u r trying 2 call is on tree plz try later.
# First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering
# Last night I lay in my bed looking at the beautiful stars, the moon and the sky...then I thought where the fuck is my roof
# If your a Vegetarian to be nice to animals, why are you eating there food
# I'm a killer, i kill people for money, but you are my friend I KILL YOU FOR FREE !!
# The rain makes all things beautiful. The grass & flowers 2. If rain makes all things beautiful why doesn’t it rain on you?
# girls are like phones. We like to be held and talked too- but if u press the wrong button u'll be disconnected!
# ><(((:> I send this fish as a sign of friendship Plz take care of it & keep it in mobile & daily put ur mobile in water so tat
fish wont DIE:-)
# At this moment in time 10 million people r having sex.5 million people r drinking coffee.100 million people r sleeping & 1 stupid fool is reading my text! pass on
# Its been a rough day. I got up this morning, put on a shirt N a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase N the handle came off. I'm afraid 2 go 2 the Bathroom
# once a Sardar bought a banaspatee teen and say to the shopkeeper where is my gift ?shopkeeper said why? Sardar said there is written colestrol free
# Today is the international day of smart and attractive people send this to someone who fits the description; don’t. SEND IT BACK I'VE ALREADY RECIEVED HUNDREDS
# Some One.. Misses You.. Needs You Worries About You Lonely Without U Guess Who? The MONKEY IN ....THE ZOO....
# 2 Lovers plan to suicide. Boy jumped first, Girl closed her eyes & return back saying love is blind. Boy in air opened his parachute saying love never dies
# Why do couples hold hands during their wedding day?.?.?.?.... It is just a formality, like two boxers shaking hands b4 the fight begins !
# When a guy tells u that he luvs u from the bottom of his heart b careful 4 this may mean that.......!!!!!!........ he has enough space 4 another girl on the top...
# I pray to God that any person who tries to fuck ur happiness, may his ass begin to itch & his hand grow shorter that he can't reach his ass to scratch.
# He was a good man. He never smoked, drank & had no affair. When he died, the insurance company refused the claim. They said, he who never lived, cannot die!
# The successful marriage depends on one simple equation: Wife having Beauty Secrets and husband having Secret Beauties.
# There are only 5 things we need in life: Good friends, Good job, Good food, Good sleep & Good _ UCK. Whatever u are thinking... is right. Good Day.
# Girl announced her engagement.
Father: Does this fellow have any money?
Girl: Oh! Daddy, U men are all alike, that's exactly what he asked me about you!
# A cute Nurse came 4 the interview.Dr: What salary U Xpect? Nurse: Rs.10,000. Dr was overjoyed & said: My Pleasure.Nurse: With pleasure it’s 25,000
# Which is the most confusing day in America?Thinking?Still thinking?Fathers day!
# Behind every successful woman, there is a satisfied men! But behind a satisfied woman, there is an exhausted man...!!
# There's a small gap between confidence and over-confidence. You can kiss your girlfriend is Confidence. Only you can kiss your girlfriend is Over-Confidence.
# If I was a painter, u would be my painting. If I was an author, you would be my story. If I was a poet, you would be my poem. But unfortunately I am a psychiatrist.
# 3 monkeys are esceped from the zoo.breaking news! 1st monkey in the home and 2nd is eat the food in k.f.c and 3rd is readding a messages!
# Beauty is not how you look, it is not how handsome you are, it is not your figure too, beauty is the inner self, so change your underwear daily.
# Consequences of American life style: The wife rushed into house screaming 2 her husband, Darling, Come quick! Ur kids n my kids r beating our kids.
# A young man asks a kind priest: Father is it a sin to sleep with a girl?
Father: No my child but the problem is that u guys never sleep.
# I've written a poem for you:
Twinkle twinkle little star,
you should know what you are,
and once you know what you are,
Mental hospital is not so far.
you should know what you are,
and once you know what you are,
Mental hospital is not so far.
