Student is better learner than teacher
Teacher: U idiots! At your age Einstein ranked first in class.
What about you?
Student: Sir at your age Hitler committed suicide..!
What about you?
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Teacher: If I will give 4 eggs to Babul, 1 eggs to Samim and 3 eggs to Yousuf. Then what will be the total?
Student: Sir, how will you lay so many eggs in just one day?
Degrees of girls!
B.A.-Beautiful Angel
B.E.-Beautiful Eyes
Psychiatrist: What is your problem?
Patient: I think I'm a chicken.
Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?
Patient: Ever since I was an egg!
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Different Phases of a man:
After engagement: Superman
After Marriage: Gentleman
After 10 years: Watchman
After 20 years: Doberman
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Hatred
It seems like I've been sleeping
For a thousand years
Without a thought
Without a purpose
Without a voice
Without a soul
Until you walked into my life.
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JOHNY: You told me to do it without using tables!
US tourists, a man and his wife are traveling in the Middle East. An Arab approaches the husband, saying, “I’ll give you 100 camels for your woman.”
After a long silence, the husband says, “She’s not for sale.”
The indignant wife says, “What took you so long to answer?”
The husband replied, “I was trying to figure out how to get 100 camels back home.”
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No Chance
Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?
Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.
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Court Judgement
Lawyer: “What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?”
Witness: “He said, ‘Where am I, Catherine?’”
Lawyer: “And why did that upset you?”
Witness: “My name is Sam.”
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Distinguish WIFE & MOTHER
| Don?t marry & make a woman happy. In fact remain a bachelor & make several women happy. 00000 |
We Sleep With Our “WIFE”.
Kid - Madam!I don't know.
Teacher- Don't know? Stand on the desk.
Kid - I still cant see
A man was telling his neighbor, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.”
“Really,” answered the neighbor . “What kind is it?”
“Twelve thirty.”
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What is pronoun
Teacher : name two pronouns.
Student : who? me?
Teacher : correct
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Punctual Student
A beggar meets another beggar. A software engineer meets another software engineer.
Both of them ask the same question to each other.
What is the question ???
A man walks out of a bar and sees a bum panhandling on the corner. The bum says,“Mister, can you spare a dollar?”
The man thinks a minute. Then he asks the bum, “If I give you a dollar, are you going to use it to buy liquor?“
“No,” says the bum.
The man then asks, “If I give you a dollar, are you going to use it for gambling?”
Again the bum says, “No.”
So the man says to the bum, “Do you mind coming home with me so I can show my wife what happens to someone who doesn’t drink or gamble?”
Hero loves heroine , but heroine loves the villain.
But villain loves hero’s sister,and hero’s sister loves heroine’s brother .
Here, heroine’s brother loves villain’s sister .
But villain’s sister loves hero’s brother.
Again!, hero’s brother is also interested in heroine , and you already know that heroine loves villain.
Finally two people commit suicide.
Who’re they? ……….. Producer and the Director!!
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Interview
A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant, at first he’d asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.
Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn’t throw out the pest.
“Oh, that man I don’t care.” said the waiter with a smile. “We don’t even have an air conditioner.”
“When I am sick I kiss my wife try it”
“Me OK, your wife very sweet”
Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can’t understand him. Do you understand me?
Dr : Get married.
Man : Will it help?
.
.
.
.
.
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Kamrul was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked :” Why r u writing so slowly?
Kamrul said : “I’m writing to my 6 yr old son, he can’t read very fast.
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Poor Postman
Postman : I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet
Michael : why did u come so far. Instead u could have
posted it….
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Teaching Tense
Teacher : “I killed a person” convert this sentence into future tense.
Labib : The future tense is “u will go to jail"
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Future plans of childrens:
Teacher asks children, what do u wish 2 do in future?
Iqbal : I want 2 b a pilot.
Najnin : I want 2 b a doctor.
Kabir : I want 2 b a good mother.
Johnny : I want 2 help Bina.
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Know The Correct Age
Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born
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Correction
Teacher : Correct the sentence, “A bull and a cow is grazing in the field”
Student : “A cow and a bull is grazing in the field”
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.
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Talkative Person
Teacher : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Pupil : A teacher.
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A Lecture On Sun
Teacher: Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun. Everyone must attend it.
Boy: No! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher: Why?
Boy: My mother will not allow me to go so far !!
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Enjoying Sunday
Husband : Today is sunday & I have to enjoy it. So i bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife : Why three?
Husband : 1 For U and 2 for ur parents.
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Obedient Son
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy’s lap.
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Dont Touch
A girl & a boy were sitting alone, that boy started touching the girl,
Girl : Don't touch me, all this only after marriage.
Boy : Ok call me when u r maried.
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Son's Job
Father to son : Whenever i beat you, you dont get annoyed, how you control your anger?
Son : I start cleaning the toilet seat with your toothbrush
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Be A Good Driver
A student was asked 2 write a signboard 4 the traffic rules near the school
He wrote : “Drive Carefully! Don’t kill the students, wait for the Teachers”
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Smart Student
Maths teacher asked JOHN “If u have 12 chocalate and u give 5 to DONA, 3 to ALICE and 4 to ROMA then wat will u get ?
JOHN replied, “Sir! 3 new girl friends”.
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Devil & Angels
The devils challenged the angels for a game of cricket. We have got all the cricketers, said the Angels.
Devils : No problem, we have got all the umpires.
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Men With Dog
Man1 sitting with dog.
Man2: Your dog bits?
Man1: No
Man 2 sits and the dog bits!
Man2 angrily, you said he does not bit!
Man: That is not my dog.
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Smart Reply
Teacher: what do u call a person who cannot hear anything?
Student : U can call him anything, because he cannot hear anything:-)
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I Dont Know
In bio practical:
Examiner : Tell me the name of this bird by seeing it’s legs only?
Student : I don’t know.
Examiner : You failed, what’s your name?
Student : See my legs & tell my name
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Skeleton
Teacher: what is skeleton?
Student: Sir, skeleton is a person who started dieting but forgot to stop it..!!!
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Married Boy
Lovers sitting in a park,
boy tries to kiss the girl..
Girl says No dear not all this before marriage..
Boy says don’t worry darling I am already married
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Unbearable Scene
A boy goes to see a dance.
His mom angrily asks him : Did u see anything there that u were not supposed to see?
Boy : Yes, I saw dad!
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Monkey & Elephant Can Sit Together
A man sees a fat man sitting in a train cabin.
Taunting, he asks: Is this cabin for elephants only!
Fat man humbly replies : No!Even monkeys like you can sit!
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Algebra Rule
Teacher says to student,
In Algebra
A=B &
B=C.
It means A=C.
Now give relevant example.
Student : Sir, I love you & You love your daughter, It means that I love your daughter.
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Mirror Shop
Once a Sardarji goes to a mirror shop to buy a mirror.He wanders all over the shop beforethe shopkeeper comes and asks him,”May I help you?”.
Sardar: “I want a very strong mirror”.
Shop keeper: “Try this one sir!Its just Rs.1000/-”
Sardar: “Is it really that strong?”
Shop keeper: “Yes sir. If u want to know, you can throw this mirror from 100 storeyed building. This mirror does not breaks upto 99 floors sir!!”
Sardar: “Wah! bahuth badiya hai!!”
He pays the shop keeper and leaves with that mirror!!
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No Use Of Doctor
Man : Doctor ! My Son has swallowed a key.
Doctor : When ?
Man : Three Months Ago
Doctor : What were you doing till now?
Man : We were using duplicate key…
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A Guy With A Horse
A guy walks into a bar and there’s a horse serving drinks.
The horse asks, “What are you staring at?”
Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?”
The guy says, “It’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”
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Want To Publish A Bestseller Book
Teacher : What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?
Boy : A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.
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World's Thinnest Book
What is the thinnest book in the world?
What Men Know About Women.
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The World Moves Around In Every 24 Hours
There’s this drunk man standing out on the street corner.
A cop passes by and says, “What do you think you’re doing?”
The drunk says, “I heard the world goes around every 24 hours and I’m waiting on my house. Won’t be long now, there goes my neighbour.”
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Alzheimers Disease
Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up.
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Teaching Tense
A very old lady teacher of English ask this question with the class:
When I say “I am beautiful”, which tense is it?
One student answered: Its the past tense of course.
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What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?
Magnets have a positive side!
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A Drunker & Police
A drunken man phoned the local police department to report that thieves had been in his car.
“They have stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator,” he cried out.
However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time, and the same voice came over the line.
“Never mind,” the drunk said with a hiccup. “I got in the back seat by mistake.”
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Distinguish Between Rottwieler and Poodle
What's the difference between a Rottwieler and a Poodle?
If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it finish.
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Wife VS Husband
Wife: What is 10 years with me?
Husband: A second.
Wife: What is $1000 for me?
Husband: A coin.
Wife: Ok give me a coin.
Husband: Wait a second
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You Expelled
Boss: (to employee) - Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time of down-sizing, Knock, Knock.
Employee: Who's there?
Boss: Not you anymore.
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Who is Cleverer?
A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the toilet.
He doesn’t want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, “I have sipt in this beer, do not drink!”.
After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, “So did I!”
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A Handsome Dog
A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and says:
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
